Things We Learned Too Late

Before and after my dad passed away, on paper, everything looked to be in good order. He had a long-term care policy and a will.

However, my father, an intensely private man, failed to discuss the everyday belongings that literally took years to accumulate, and we all failed to ask about them. Currently my step-mom is tasked with sorting out my dad’s “things/treasures” – tons of financial papers, cufflinks, favorite ties, pictures, a coin collection, and sentimental items such as things gifted to him by his father and other family members. The list is endless. This could have been avoided by prior discussions, which may not have been easy but were definitely necessary.

If you are able to discuss/ask the nine questions included in the linked article below with your loved ones, it may set a game plan in place that will greatly help all involved when a family member passes.

In my situation, there is a spouse to help sort items. Sonja recently had a similar situation with the passing of her mother, in which there was no spouse and the siblings did the sorting – she would like to say a few words as well:

My mother passed away November 2021 and was not married at the time of her passing. On paper Mom’s estate was not that difficult. She had a will naming her seven children as equal beneficiaries, and my oldest sister as the Executor of her estate.

She had just moved into a Senior Living apartment, and her house here in Glendale, Arizona, that she had lived in for over 40 years was under contract to sell. We had about 30 days to clear out the house, which also meant we had to sort through 40 years of “things.” It was an overwhelming task for her, but we stepped up to help. We thought we would have time to get everything out that she wanted, and “deal” with the rest. Her passing was quite sudden after she moved to the apartment. We actually had to clear out the apartment before the end of November, move everything back to the house, and then have the house cleared out by mid-December when the sale of the house closed. The seven of us kids were left to deal with Mom’s things. Our problem was that we live in different states, scattered around the country. All came out for the funeral, and while here had a chance to request items from the house in which they had interest. We all agreed that if more than one person was interested in an item, we drew names for the winner. Amazingly, there were no sibling squabbles!

The sister who was named the Executor lives in Colorado. Fortunately for us, she was able to stay with my sister in Wickenburg, Arizona while we were clearing out the house. Those two sisters would drive into town almost daily and I would drive over from my side of town to help. It was quite a daunting task for the three of us. We were able to separate out the “treasures” from the “things.” We took out what we wanted from the house, donated what we could, and purged the rest. Our fear was throwing out anything that was important or valuable that we may have overlooked. We just had to be at peace, knowing we did our best in the short amount of time we had.

Our advice is to have those discussions no matter how hard they are, and start going through your own treasures and things. And for the local folks, if you find you have some documents that need to be shredded, keep in mind that our office hosts periodic shredding events. We will send out a notification when date is formalized later this year.

Take My Advice: Prepare Now for the Passing of a Loved One

~Kelly Hughes, Sonja Ross, October 2022