The Nest Is Empty
In one of my first “Finer Things” columns I wrote eight years ago, I told the story of dropping my oldest son off at college (Finer Things - September 2013). When Debbie and I got married in 2009, we calculated that blending our families and having five kids meant we were going to be paying college tuition for TWELVE consecutive years, with several “doubles” and a couple of “triples.” Well, the first of the triples is upon us (year 9 of 12 for those counting) as last week “we” dropped off our twin boys at their respective schools…Evan is following in Abrie’s footsteps and attending the University of Kansas; Seth is following Jonah and Brett and attending the University of Arizona.
Dropping off kids to college is an emotional experience—each one is unique just as the children themselves are. When you are dropping off twins who have never been apart for more than a day or so and they are the last to leave the nest, everything is magnified by quite a bit.
Debbie and Evan flew to Kansas City and made the now very familiar drive to our lovable town of Lawrence, Kansas. On a whim, Debbie reached out to the housing department earlier in the week to see if they could move in sooner than scheduled, explaining that she had another child to move in at another school. Surprisingly, they said yes…so they headed directly to the dorm from the airport. She notified the new roommates’ parents who were driving in from Dallas and they all met there to unload on Thursday afternoon, giving them a good six hour jump on shopping before the initial move-in date which was the following morning at 10:30 AM. Debbie had logistically set up online shopping orders and picked up some purchased items from prior students that she had secured so that by the end of the evening everything was in the dorm room. The next morning, they arrived bright and early, avoiding the long move-in lines and got busy unpacking and making the dorm room look like home away from home. Evan had become acquainted with his three roommates via social media for months so once they met in person it felt like they had known each other forever. Everything went very smoothly! They had a rather quick goodbye as Evan had to run off to a dorm social event and Debbie was leaving early the next morning…she said that was probably for the best. For the next two days we received text messages from Evan saying, “This place is AMAZING!” and “These are my people!” He appears to be very comfortable in his new home.
Seth and I drove down to Tucson two days after Evan and Debbie left. I am not sure how many times I have driven that stretch of I-10 between Phoenix and Tucson but it is somewhere likely near triple digits. Between my own four years of college and many years of being a football season ticketholder (quite an awful run of sports fandom flashing back to last month's column) to visits with Jonah (2013-2017) and Brett (2019 – present), I realize we have another four years of the “most boring two hour stretch of highway” in America. We arrived at Seth’s dorm in the new Honors Village by 8:30 AM and began unloading. Debbie flew from Kansas City to Tucson that same morning—she was not going to miss either of the boys’ monumental first days. Brett picked her up and she met us when we were only about an hour into our move-in. We had the traditional first day lunch at Sausage Deli (former Wildcats reading this are smiling with content) and it was fabulous as usual. Seth’s roommate is from Las Vegas—he is a friend of a good family friend of ours (they had met a couple of times but hadn’t spent much quality time together) so it was a very nice referral. We enjoyed meeting his family and we parents joked about the differences when we moved into our dorms 30 and 35 years ago. I could not get over how nice the U of A Honors Dorm/Honors Village is… quite a bit more comfort in college life today! We got Seth all set up and went to an old favorite spot for dinner (Caruso’s on 4th Ave for those Wildcats who remember it) with the new roommate and his family. Brett took Seth out to a friend’s apartment after dinner and Debbie and I retreated to our hotel for a much needed restful night.
The next morning we slept late while Brett walked with Seth around campus to find his classes. We then met them plus our nephew, Isaac, at Gentle Ben’s for lunch. We loved sitting on the patio (cooled nicely with fans and misters!) and watching the hustle and bustle of college life around University Avenue. We got a couple of last minute things for Seth and then it was time to say goodbye…this one was a little longer and a little more tearful for Debbie. She got through it bravely and didn’t really let the tears fully fall until we were out of his room. I kept reiterating to Debbie what a masterful job she has done in preparing the boys for this time in their lives. They are truly ready to spread their wings and enjoy their individual adventures. What she did over these past three days was truly extraordinary.
Like I did for the three older kids, I gave each boy a copy of Life’s Little Instruction Book (511 suggestions, observations and reminders of how to live a happy and rewarding life), each with a handwritten message about how some of the 511 lessons are dated but most all hold up very well and they should “learn it and live it!” The boys’ biological father passed away when they were three years old…this was one of the many celebratory days in their lives where his absence was silently very sad. I have been in their lives as their father figure for almost 13 years, doing my best at all of the things that I am sure their father would have loved to do. I am so proud of the young men Evan and Seth have become and am very excited to watch them on their respective journeys. They now have 511 more life lessons to guide them!
-Gary Weiss, September 2021
