3 Emotional Strength Builders for Widows

October 13, 2023 by Laura Amendola, CFP®, Co-Active® Coach

Undoubtedly experiencing loss and grief is a painful process. When someone we love dies, it is natural to feel shattered; that what remains of our lives is empty and in pieces. Remember though, it is the way to healing.

Here are 3 ways to begin to rebuild emotional strength:

Awareness – Recognize what is happening and expect highs and lows.

• Recognize that your inner world is a ‘construction zone’ and you will need to slowdown in the work zone.
• Recognize when you need to reach out to others and take that risk.
• Recognize that you may have to reach beyond yourself and the familiar surroundings of your situation to get the help you need. Therapy, counseling, medical care, spiritual direction – these are all gifts that can move you along on your journey through the stages of recovery and renewal.
• The path through grief is never a straight line. It is more like a zig-zag. Inevitably, grievers take two steps forward and one step backward. Be patient with yourself when you are in the setback mode. Have awareness and acknowledge it is a temporary condition.
• Pamper yourself. Inject something pleasant into your life. This need not be expensive, just be good to yourself from time to time. Buy the new book you have wanted to read, treat yourself to a bouquet of flowers, soak in the tub for an hour, or go for a leisurely stroll through the woods. Observing nature can refresh our spirits and remind us that there is still ample beauty in this world.

Endurance – Practice the virtue of endurance and find those persons with whom you are comfortable.

• Do not hide, avoid, or flee from the pain. Allow yourself to experience all aspects of it, but practice the virtue of endurance.
• Endure what cannot be changed. Live by the reality that you will grow stronger and be better because of the experience. Never give up.

“Find those persons in whose presence you feel more energetic, more creative and more able to pursue your life goals,” writes Dennis F. Augustine in his book, Invisible Means of Support. “Stay away from persons who make you feel apprehensive, or who influence you to doubt yourself. Especially, stay away from those persons who drain you, so that your energy is not all used up in trying to maintain the relationship.”

Stretch Out of Your Comfort Zone – Establish goals for yourself and have a Beginner’s Mind.

• A major loss can leave you with the feeling that your life is completely out of control. This, of course, is not true, but it is important to counteract that feeling by establishing goals for yourself. Consider volunteering your time, learning a new skill, enrolling in a course, or joining a civic or religious organization.
• Have a beginner’s mind. Be open to new lessons that you can glean from your painful experience. Every event in our lives has the seed of something new and good in it if we are open to receiving it. The converse view is to decide that there is nothing in the experience but a negative. That attitude is limiting and crippling. Remain open.