I love my Dad; 4 important lessons you should know as a result

THIS ARTICLE IS IN COLLABORATION WITH PATSY PRATHER, HOLISTIC DESIGNER FROM PATSY BY DESIGN BASED IN COLORADO. PATSY EMPOWERS PERSONAL EXPRESSION AND LEADS YOU THROUGH REPEATABLE EXERCISES TO PRACTICE IN YOUR DAILY LIFE TO DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT.

Hi, I’m Patsy. My Dad unfortunately passed away last November. There is a lot of good from my dad’s life, and here are four lessons I want to share with you because they were so impactful to me. Upon reflection, these lessons are important for you to know and apply immediately.

Specifically I learned:

1. Write it down
2. Make it easy for others to find
3. Have the difficult conversations
4. Find gratitude

LESSON ONE: WRITE IT DOWN

My Dad had a form of dementia, Lewy body dementia to be specific. This dementia started with mild symptoms you might have missed if you weren’t looking for it. It then progressed to the point that we needed to file for power of attorney to handle his every day affairs. He was understandably upset- as were we.

What I learned from this experience: Have in writing (while you are young and healthy) who you want to have as power of attorney. Whether you are identifying a general power of attorney, a financial power of attorney or a medical power of attorney it is a good idea to have it written down. The alternative of not taking the time to write it down, is your love dones will have to go through legal channels and your wishes may not be followed.

You can go a step further and have a will written at the same time. Also make sure to review the beneficiaries and titling of all of your accounts. By writing down your wishes, it makes it more likely your wishes will be followed if something happens (knock on wood it doesn’t).

Review your will, powers of attorney, and accounts annually or as things change to ensure what is written reflects your current wishes.

LESSON TWO: MAKE IT EASY FOR OTHERS TO FIND

It’s important to note that it meant a great deal to us to make sure dad’s wishes were followed. Unfortunately, there were several times were we didn’t know what they were- which leads me to the next two lessons to follow.

After you take the time to write down your wishes, make sure your loved ones can find everything. Whether it is a binder in the kitchen or filed with a local attorney- make sure it is accessible to those who would need the information.

Interesting enough, I learned that it is also important to write down (or digitally store) user names and passwords- like for social media accounts. Do you have friends who are no longer with us but their social media accounts are still active? It brings a fresh reminder of grief every time facebook shares a birthday reminder for these friends. I know some people like the reminders, but people like me don’t want that annual reminder. Also- for quite a few of those friends, we don’t know if they would have wanted their accounts to still be active.

Which leads me to the next lesson.

LESSON THREE: HAVE THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

Reasonably most people don’t want to think about bad things and the what-ifs that surround them. You need to understand the importance of communication, even when it comes to things we don’t want to think about- let alone discuss.

Thankfully there were times that we had confidence about what Dad would have wanted his end of life handled because we did have those tough conversations. It is easier to say no feeding tube when you know that hard choice is honoring what your loved one wants.

If you are not sure where to start, consider using a third party to facilitate the conversations. Funeral parlors will host pre-planning conversations; Financial Advisors and attorneys will host family meetings to discuss wishes and processes to plan for an efficient transfer of assets.

Either way, make sure to communicate your wishes to those around you (in addition to writing it down and making it easy for them to find). This dialogue will allow for questions you may not have considered to be asked. It will also make some places and people more familiar to your loved ones to remove some of the stress that may occur in crummy situations where those places or people are needed.

LESSON FOUR: FIND GRATITUDE

The last few days of my Dad’s life were difficult for avariety of reasons. I am grateful that I was there. I am grateful that I was there for him to hold my hand. I am grateful that there were people around that could help when he needed it. I am grateful that my family was there to mourn his loss and celebrate his life.

The point that needs to be remembered here is that in spite of a time period that is upsetting and stressful, there were specific things I can point to and be grateful for.

To be completely transparent with you-time was taken to process before some of the moments of gratitude were found.

It’s ok to take time to process. It’s also okto ask for help in times of difficulty. I am a unicorn farting rainbows for me- and my clients can be too. I fully respect and have experienced tough times. I do find the gratitude in the messy uncomfortable stuff. The thing is, by having an attitude of gratitude I am able to be resilient during these times and find things that I can look upon with a smile.

If you find it hard to find gratitude in your day to day life- start small and write down something daily that your are thankful for. After that becomes easy, start writing down three things and then move on to five. A daily practice of gratitude is a wonderful thing and will impact your mindset and communication in ways you wouldn’t expect.

In conclusion- it is important for me to share these lessons with you because you need to incorporate them as soon as you can.

Write down your wishes, because they do matter. If you don’t take the time to write it down, it will cause stress to you and your loved ones as they go through the various legal channels to get to a solution. Make it easy for those around you to find what was written down so they can follow your wishes. Whether it is physical or virtual, make sure your loved ones can find the documents you wrote down and had created.

Have the difficult conversations- there is valuein communication, including helping your loved ones fully understand what you had in mind and potentially reducing stress.

Find gratitude in the difficult moments. Start small by making it a daily practice. Consider asking for help if you need it.

Brianna Beski is a financial advisor and CDFA at Raymond James, based in Colorado. She and her team focuses onhelping people navigate transitions in life and secure their financial futures. For the rest of the story, please visit her website or email her at brianna.beski@raymondjames.com.

Raymond James & Associates, Inc., member New York Stock Exchange/SIPC>The foregoing information has been obtained from sources considered to be reliable, but we do not guarantee that it is accurate or complete, it is not a statement of all available data necessary for making an investment decision, and it does not constitute a recommendation. Any opinions are those of Brianna Beski of Raymond James Branch 3BA and not necessarily those of Raymond James or Raymond James Financial Service.

Raymond James & Associates, Inc., member New York Stock Exchange/SIPC4