The Power of the Sharpie

Financial writer Carl Richards is the author of one of my favorite books, The Behavior Gap: Simple Ways to Stop Doing Dumb Things with Money. Since 2010, he has written the Sketch Guy, a column in the New York Times. Many of you who have visited my office in the past 18 months have noticed some new artwork on my wall—I have six of my favorite “Behavior Gap” sketches framed. And, to those who have asked about them, many have heard me say, “It only took me 29 years to eloquently say what my team and I do!”

I thought one of Carl’s recent weekly emails was one worth sharing, particularly as we begin the new year with a renewed focus on goals and aspirations of becoming better versions ourselves, in part, through kindness and empathy.

Greetings, Carl here.

I want to share something with you that might feel a little bit heavy. You may also wonder what it has to do with money. The truth is, it doesn’t have anything to do with money. Not everything I share does.

In fact, this has to do with something more valuable than money, and that’s how we treat each other.

So let me tell you a story.

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I was in the airport when I found out one of my best friend’s mother had just died quite suddenly. She was at dinner with a friend, felt sick, and was gone within a few hours.

I learned this through a message from my mom, who heard about it on the local news.

I called my friend.

Imagine this scene for a second: There I am, in Terminal 2 of the San Diego airport, calling someone whose mother had just died.

He answered. He was crushed. We cried.

His mom was one of the few people who always saw past my stupid behavior in high school. She always loved and accepted me, despite my being quite unlovable at the time. She gently influenced me to be better by not trying to influence me at all.

She was amazing.

My friend knew that better than anyone. He told me about her last moments in the hospital. He told me about begging the doctor to do more.

Life. Is. Heavy.

And then I boarded a plane. I thought about everyone else on the plane. I wondered if the airline employee scanning my boarding pass could see that I had been crying. Were my eyes red? Swollen? I wondered if there would be room for my bag in the overhead bin. If the person next to me would be nice.

In that moment, I couldn’t help but think about how odd the situation felt. All around me were strangers. I knew no one. And as far as I knew, no one had any idea what I was dealing with. I thought about the flight attendant, the man sitting next to me, and the woman across the aisle. Did they have a sick child or friend in the hospital? Were they on that plane in a race against time? What about the person who had been yelling at the gate agent or, for that matter, those who were yelling on Twitter while I checked it standing in line?

As I turned away and stared at the Pacific Ocean through the little window from my seat on the plane, I was left with a bunch of grief and two big questions.

What burdens are all the people on this plane carrying? And how would I treat them differently if I knew?

In the moment, this was a very emotional experience. I wanted to treat everyone the way we all deserve to be treated. I wanted to give everybody room. I wanted to be more patient.

What’s crazy is that just a week later, I was rushing through another airport and tapping my foot impatiently as the guy in front of me fumbled with his things in the security line. That feeling of goodwill faded away so quickly.

I don’t want it to fade away. I want to hold on to it.

How do we do that? How do we hold on to that feeling of goodwill?

I don’t know the answer…but I do think asking the question is a good start.

For those who have not been in our office recently, here are the six sketches:

- Gary Weiss, January 2023

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