“Mom, who will we live with if you and dad BOTH die?”

Mom, who will we live with if you and dad BOTH die?
Max, 10 years old

My son Max is very intrigued by death and related topics like reincarnation, ghosts and spirts, heaven and hell. It’s not unusual for him to ask things like “How old were you when your dad died? Do you think ghosts are real? What if ghosts are actually good and think that WE are the scary ghosts?”

But when he asked about who would care for him and his brother, that was a first. We talked about it and he suggested alternate guardians, which led to an honest and unexpectedly lighthearted conversation. It never occurred to me before to discuss this with my kids, but they are not 2 years old anymore. They are 10 and 15. I was just 15 years old when my own dad died.

Max happened to ask about this during a time that I was feeling very heartbroken, as I was helping several clients who had recently lost loved ones. Is it possible that I had telegraphed emotions that he picked up on? Kids are incredibly perceptive this way! The Covid-19 pandemic has also catalyzed conversations and has created urgency around planning for the unexpected. But even with this new urgency, an estimated 2 out of 3 adults still do not have a will.

Even if you are a proud member of the 33% and have already created your estate planning documents, it’s not a one-and-done affair. We recommend clients review these regularly, at least once every 3 to 5 years. Life changes, and your documents will need to reflect those changes. Perhaps the person you named as a guardian is no longer able to serve or you wish to name a replacement. Perhaps your original documents were created hastily and you wish to craft a more thorough and thoughtful plan. Of course, significant life changes like marriage, divorce, birth or adoption of children can also trigger a review and revisions.

There is a lot to consider, which is why I don’t recommend that you try and do this on your own or on the cheap. Work with an attorney who specializes in estate planning.

In preparation for your planning, may I shamelessly suggest several episodes from the FRESH OFF THE VINE podcast that you may find helpful:

Choose wisely—naming the right agent for your Power of Attorney (POA)

Planning for the unexpected: the legal documents you need as a parent (yes, even if you are young and not a gazillionaire) –Part 1

Planning for the unexpected: the legal documents you need as a parent (yes, even if you are young and not a gazillionaire) –Part 2

Lastly, do you know if you parents have their affairs in order? Your adult children or grandchildren? You might want to take a page from Max’s book…and open up the conversation.