What money messages are you sending to your children?
Most of the people I work with eventually want to pass assets on to their children and families. In some ways that is the easy part. The hard part is how to pass along all that goes along with it – the hopes, expectations, and especially the values that you want to convey to the next generation. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve already been sending money messages to your children their entire lives. Now what?
To help unpack this important conversation, I spoke with Dr. Richard Orlando. He is the founder of Legacy Capitals, a firm that provides training, consulting, and coaching on this very topic. Dr. Orlando regularly consults with successful families across the country on topics related to wealth and values transfer to prepare that rising generation for taking the lead on whatever the family goals are. He is also the author of Legacy: The Hidden Keys to Optimizing Your Family Wealth Decisions, available on Amazon.
Here are a few takeaways from our conversation. Click here to listen to the full podcast episode.
What are your money values?
Many of us were raised with the notion that it is not polite to talk about money. This can create problems later in life, because money issues intersect with just about every aspect of our lives. Take
relationships: if you were raised in a very comfortable household and didn’t want for anything, but your spouse’s family struggled growing up, you likely have very different thoughts and feelings around money. And those differences can create conflict. And that conflict can create avoidance. And avoidance…is never a good idea.
Our attitudes and behaviors, as well as the way we talk about money, are a constant presence in our relationship with our children. As Dr. Orlando reminds us, these “money messages” are many times conveyed unintentionally, through both words and actions. We may not think our children are listening, but they do see and hear it all.
Consider the words you use. There’s a big difference between “we can’t afford that,” and “there are better uses for our money.” Some parents will use the former in a well-intentioned effort to curb entitlement. Yet, that message carries an undertone of scarcity, whether or not it truly exists. The other is more honest, while also expressing values and use of judgement.
So how do you intentionally convey what you feel is important about wealth? The first step is understanding what is important to you, what your values are, and what you have messaged to your children already. Examine your own money history—going back to the messages you received as a child, and examine it. What holds true, and what no longer fits?
Moving towards transparency
From what I’ve experienced and observed, if you grow up poor, your family usually lets you know. On the regular. There’s nothing to hide. Growing up with resources is very different. Some families are very tight-lipped, as they fear that shedding light about the financial picture will create feelings of entitlement and squash motivation. In both cases, an intention to protect children can actually hinder their financial literacy.
With this very experience in hand, I know several families, some who grew up with resources and some without, who are moving towards transparency with their own children. This does not mean they are sharing the entire balance sheet, but rather, they are not hiding from the reality of the situation. An easy starting point is discussing charitable organizations that you support. I shared some ideas on how to start the conversation in this blog.
How are you having money conversations with your family? I would love to hear about it—what’s working, what’s not, and what’s next! Email me at karen.coyne@raymondjames.com. To hear more, follow FRESH OFF THE VINE on Spotify!
Any opinions are those of Karen Coyne and not necessarily those of Raymond James. This blog is for informational purposes only. Raymond James is not affiliated with nor endorses the opinions of Dr. Richard Orlando or Legacy Capitals. Raymond James does not endorse the book Legacy: The Hidden Keys to Optimizing Your Family Wealth Decisions.
